I am currently one veritable basket-case. There is no question about that. I'm still pulling through in my usual fashion, but I'm a major mess. In the course of only 12 little hours, I've gone from complete elation to crying in front of my boss without embarassment or apology, to utter strength and determination to heart-wrenching sadness & sorrow, to pride, and in the middle of that, everything in between. How can one person feel so many things in such a short amount of time? Easily. Just give up everything comfortable and good in your life and move across the world for a year. It's the simple plan. All it takes is a truck-load of paperwork and a bit of determination.
Over the past week or so, I've had a lot of people ask me why I'm going to Afghanistan. There are a lot of reasons. Surprisingly, money isn't even one of the first five. The more I think about my reasons for going, the lower money falls on my list. Isn't that odd? Sure, it will be very nice to earn double what I make now for one year, but that wasn't my primary motivation. I simply wanted to shake things up for me a little bit. Oh and have I!!! I've shaken so hard I can't find up & down! Right now, I feel like this is nothing more than sheer insanity. The amount of things I have to accomplish in 15 days is more than I usually do in 3 months. But it truly feels like it is well worth it. Which leads me to my primary reason for wanting to go. The shaking things up part was why I decided to apply. The reason I truly want to go is because I have worked with some amazing men and women over the past few years who have gone to Iraq, Afghanistan, and many other places that are so far from home. I've been a shoulder for them to cry on ... a willing hug, and a pat on the back, but I truly have no idea what it's like. The longest I've been "away from home" was a two-week jaunt to Hawaii with my grandma and cousins. Hardly comparable to a year in what many describe as a living hell. So now I get to experience a more subdued version of that. I get to give up my comfy queen-sized bed and ocean-cooled air for the desert. I get to take 5 changes of clothes to get me through a year. I get to eat what they feed me. I get to go where I'm told to go and when. It's still a far cry from what our studs in cammies go through-- I certainly won't be seeing the combat or the traumas of war the way they do, but I will get to experience the pain of saying goodbye to my loved ones for what is truly a dang long time. I will come home with a new appreciation for my friends and family, for the ocean air. My bed will feel better, my cat's fur will feel softer, my homemade food will taste better, and I will be a better person for getting to experience that. I will appreciate every tiny little daily blessing more than I ever thought I could. For this, I am truly thankful.
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