Judgment

I talked to my honey the other day about how tough it will sometimes be to support people (students/kids/coworkers/take your pick) who are engaged in behaviors that I disagree with or that are of a significantly different mindset than I am.  Not only support, but never to judge and always to be open to them.  He was really sweet about what I was saying—said that I really have picked the perfect job or career for my personality.  I don’t know for sure if he meant that as a compliment or not.  He is totally okay with being opposed to certain lifestyles and I am admitting that I will have to embrace even those that he’s opposed to.  I think he meant it as a compliment.  Maybe he just didn’t think about all of the implications of it.  It is going to be a major mental battle with me sometimes and he may not even know that he’s involved in it!  I guess he’s right though.  I don’t have much judgment in me.  I know that people are all different and I’m good with that.  It’s what makes life interesting. 

So along those lines, I was reading about “isms”.  Racism and sexism are probably two that immediately come to mind for a lot of people, but it is a much larger list than I ever thought of prior to this reading.  Lemme add to that list for you.  “Ableism, ageism, classism, familyism, genderism, heterosexism, immigrationism, linguicism, racism, religionism, and sexism” (ASCA, as cited in Stone, 2013).  Oh my goodness is that a lot that I’ve never even considered let alone identified.  My spellchecker is only recognizing five of those eleven.  Great sign, yes?  Linguicism.  What does that even mean?  I’ve been doing a lot of self-education about random subjects like pro-ana and thinspo, eating disorders not otherwise specified (even that has a trendy acronym--EDNOS), self-mutilation in all its many forms, and various other things plaguing today’s children at a heart-breaking rate.  I need to know this information so as not to be blind-sided by it when a student approaches me with his or her latest issue, but I sometimes wonder if any of us can actually catch all of these things with enough warning to be aware of them before they become a habit or lifestyle for a child.  Better to see the warning signs when these concerns are simple thoughts instead of full-blown habits.  If only it were that easy. 

I am so thankful that S believes in me the way he does.  I don’t know how I would do it when I see a reading assignment that could keep a normal person occupied for three months and I need to do it in a week if I wasn’t so sure of… well, of his confidence in me.  Mine falters a lot.  And ya know what?  That’s another thing that I really want to prevent.  I just read somewhere that counselors should avoid flattery but I think that is quite important when dealing with young kiddos.  They so need the adults in their lives to believe in them.  We need to prove to them that they can conquer anything they want to.  It’s heart-breaking how many people don’t do that. 

By the way, the author I listed in this, Carolyn Stone?  I want to meet her one day.  Not only is she the author or co-author of quite the handful of books and articles I’m reading, she also has cited herself in her own works.  I just think that’s cool.  How awesome would it be to be so awesome that you can cite yourself in your own works?  I admire her.  Not only that, she actually seems amazingly aware, intelligent, and is an excellent communicator.  I dig that.  And one of my goals will be to at least hear her speak, possibly to even meet her.  Who knows what’ll happen??? 

Stone, C. (2013). ASCA members weigh in on Ward vs. Wilbanks. Retrieved from http://www.ascaschoolcounselor.org/article_content.asp?article=1304

Past, current, future

Do you ever find yourself with an uncertain future?  I sure do.  Five months ago I thought everything made sense.  I had somewhat of a plan, nothing huge, but definitely easy to work with.  I was going to do another... oh, maybe 8 months, maybe a year with my honey in that wonderful setup in the desert. But things just fell apart so fast.  No, that's not true.  Nothing fell apart.  The plan just changed.  I like plans!  And S is always telling me that they're somewhat pointless.  We're both right.  He definitely has the edge on logic on this one-- no matter what you plan, things can easily change.  But I have the edge on hope and a path.  With a plan you know which way to work and where to set your sights.

Plans.  They're great in theory.

I've started a new plan.  Not terribly different.  I was already heading down this path while still in Afg, but it's altered a bit.  So I am going to keep this blog just as it is, with the same title as it has, and I'm going to add to it.  I still am living on the other side of the world.  I'm on the other side from S... for now.  And who knows-- with the charms of an uncertain future, I just may end up there with him.  Or he may end up here with me.  Or we may go somewhere completely different.  But there will always be an "other side of the world" and I'm going to always need to remember that.

And speaking of other sides.  Here's where things will take a slightly different turn.  I am currently going to write about school.  Really, that's about all I do these days.  School.  S asks what I'm going to do today and the answer always includes "homework".  Always.  As of yesterday I have now doubled up on the classes.  I enjoy it, for sure.  I had a mild moment of sheer panic the other night when I started to doubt myself but with enough positive self-talk I got over it.  I have my work cut out for me, for sure, but I am getting so much out of this, and I truly enjoy it.  The "other sides" part I mentioned is in perspectives.  Background.  Culture.  Ethnicity.  Different views.  Another world, entirely.  I will be learning so much over these next couple of years.  It's great.  I am finding my text books absolutely fascinating.  I can't get enough of them.  But it's a little bit scary.  In fact, I'm going to stop writing right now and get to some notes I made last month.  I meant to update before now but I'm not so good at that sometimes.  Obviously.  Sorry.  Sorta.

12/15/2012 10:59 PM

This is really quite an eye-opening experience.  I’m reading things like “Knowing when to invoke confidentiality at the expense of a parent’s right to know is a daily struggle” (Stone, 2009, p. 6) and reading about a counselor who tried to sue the school district for not renewing her contract after she tried to teach abstinence to the students and prayed with two of them.  What would I do if students came to me and actually wanted and requested to pray with me?  Will I be setting myself up for losing my job of I do so?  I pray.  I think it’s an acceptable thing to do.  And though I would not ever force my beliefs onto a student, I would love to think that I could share the actions of my beliefs with a student if he or she wanted it.  But that whole “separation of church & state” thing really screws us up.  My current text says that Americans really try to give parents the respect and legal latitude to figure out how to raise their children more so than any other country.  Oh my gosh how frightening that is! 

We had yet another school shooting this week in this “Great American Dream” of a country.  Thanks to my constant state of having my nose in a text book, I haven’t heard much about it other than it was Connecticut and there were 20 something children killed.  My poor S is now worrying about what I’m getting myself into as a school counselor.   I’ll be working in just such a setting.  I’m worrying more about legal ramifications to going to work every day!  Seriously, I’m reading that ethically we must always respect the client’s right to confidentiality unless he or she plans to do harm to self or others and in the next sentence that parents have all rights over their child’s life/decisions/actions/thoughts/etc., and that when the law comes into play, parents have the legal rights to know and law beats ethics.  So… About that. 

…

…

???

Ethically, and by counselor’s standards & goals, we are to help the children learn autonomy—how to think for themselves, how to stand up for themselves, how to be their own person.  Legally, these kiddos have no right to make even one single decision about their own lives.  I repeat, ???

Then again, it’s been a long time since I’ve had school work capture my interest so much.  I read because I find this interesting.  I can’t put my text books down because I keep wanting to learn more.  I guess I’m getting into a great line of work.  Not only does it interest me now, it’s also so new and so constantly evolving that I will always have something more to learn.  I used to tell people that if I could be anything I wanted in life I would be a permanent student.  It looks like I have found just the right career to allow that.  I’ll be going to school all the time and I will be always learning something new.  That’s just dang cool! 

And please, let me apologize in advance for my APA formatting in every new post.  I need practice!!!  :D  Never again do I ever want to have to spend anything near an hour or more searching for the proper documentation of something asinine like who to use as the publisher in a “production of” situation.  That was maddening!  By the time I obtain my Master’s of Education: Guidance and Counseling, I will understand the APA style of formatting from top to bottom, beginning to end, right to left, and past to future.  Just watch. 

References:

Stone, C. (2009). School counseling principles: Ethics and law. Alexandria, VA: American School Counselor Association.

08/15/2012 2245 All good things must come to an end

Well my dear friends and family, it appears as if this portion of my journey has come to an end.  I wish I would have been more on the ball with writing lately.  I have quite the entry about the drama that we’d been having lately.  In fact, let me add that now.  Let you guys get a little bit of background. 

07/24/2012 1330

I suppose that if I’m going to document my life & times over here, I may as well cover it all.  There has been a lot going on here that I haven’t talked about on here, not because I don’t want to, but mostly because I haven’t really sat down & dedicated any time to it.  A couple of months ago things started to get a little bit unsettled to put it mildly.  There was talk about the post office closing when the Marines pull out, even talk about the PX closing.  Then they were talking about closing this camp.  And about not hiring new people, while firing the current for different various reasons, in an attempt at “cleaning house”.  A lot of the guys here were getting very fearful about whether they would pass their physicals or not.  They started to fire people for their cholesterol which they did not do before.  They also started not giving people a chance to go home and get any medical issues taken care of.  No second chance.  If you don’t make it, you’re gone.  That doesn’t provide much comfort!  That was actually why I made that comment about trying to stay positive that S was going to pass his physical when we went on R&R.  If he didn’t, boy would things have been altered!  Of course he is also the poster boy for excellent health, but you just never know with this company! 

Just before we left on R&R, a lot of new guys showed up.  I had just gotten a new roomie, an adorable fire medic that I get along very, very well with.  Things were changing very rapidly.  We were a little bit nervous about how things would be when we got back, but there’s nothing to be done about it aside from either accepting it or quitting.  While we were gone, I heard from another of the medics who said it looked like they (the medics) were going to be losing their contract here.  How that makes sense I will never understand.  We’re on a military base in the middle of nowhere.  People get hurt.  Does that seem like a good reason to take away the ambulance services?  I wonder if someone somewhere thinks that if there is no ambulance then people won’t get hurt.  Logical.  Also while we were gone, 9 or so people finished their contracts and headed home.  I was so sad to have missed out on seeing them, but I’m happy for them that they get to get on with their lives.  Remember when I had to go a day earlier than I had planned?  That meant I didn’t get to say goodbye to the guys.  Aah, chaos, how I depend on you. 

So we got back from R&R.  The last time I wrote, I was still in Dubai and very angry about that situation but I finally made it back home after a lot more ridiculousness and very little sleep.  Little as in an average of close to 2 hours for about 5 nights in a row.  Uncool.  But I made it.  When we got back, a lot had changed.  I had to wait for a few hours near the travel office because I had my luggage scattered between a few different people’s bags and they had extra screenings to go through when we got back.  While there, I got a lot of updates from the chief that came by to get me.  My, my how things did change.  And would continue to do so.  A few more bases have been closing around here so we wound up with 7 new guys from that.  The medics did lose their contract so my roomie will be leaving at the end of this week.  Three new inspectors just arrived.  We almost got another dispatcher but the day he landed someone from a nearby base quit so he had to head there to fill that vacancy.  A few more people will be finishing their contracts soon and will not be renewing.  The post office is closing on the 15^th of August.  As far as we know, the PX will still be open, but we don’t know how long that will be.  The base is still going to stay open as far as we know and we should be still okay until at least the end of this year.  Now there are other bases opening and word that we’re going to be losing people to fill in some of those positions.  We’re supposed to be opening a second station here sometime soon even if we don’t have the equipment for it.  One chief got transferred to another FOB, another one demobed from home when he was on leave.  And that’s just some of it all!  Yes, kids, this has been a strange few months. 

Well.  In the midst of all of this comes the point where I’ve needed to think about my future.  It’s no secret that I am aiming to have my future spent with S but the particulars of all of that have been pretty… vague.  Not that we don’t have plans, but it’s just short of impossible to make normal plans given our work lives, our personal lives, and our nationalities.  It won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight.  I think that until I was still in Dubai and he was here back at Dwyer, I thought we’d have at least another year to make plans.  Not so much the case.  We had a “light” talk about the future on Skype but decided we’d talk more when I got back. 

Well that was where I finished writing from the post that was to happen a few months ago.  Just wanted to give you an idea of what was going on around there.  And now?  Now I am sitting in KAF on my way home.  Five people at home know that I’ll be there.  Home.  Even that is a funny word, considering the fact that I don’t really have one.  For two years Dwyer has been my home.  My safe haven.  A source of sheer happiness.  Well I guess the past 17 months has been the safe haven and happiness.  But either way, it’s been so simple and perfect.  Easy routine, easy job, easy people to work with, easy life.  We had it so good.  Perhaps I should backtrack.  Lead up to now.  Actually, what I’m going to do is pause and post this before it gets way overboard and then I’ll continue writing tomorrow or the next day.  I’ll have plenty of time, I’m sure. 

07/01/2012 1413

Well, I'm on my way back "home" but I'm pretty angry right now so I'm wondering if I should even bother to write or if I'm just going to sound too bitter.  S and I had a wonderful time in Belgrade and our first 1.5 days in Dubai.  What happened then, you ask?  Well this company, with its infinite wisdom, decided to let him fly the day were supposed to and keep me here.  I do NOT like Dubai when I'm alone.  Not one little bit.  As in... there is nothing good about it.  I'd rather be working.  It's oppressive here, especially when you don't want to go out by yourself, which I do not.  Yes, I'm a big girl, but to me, this is the kind of place that is only good when you're with someone you love.  I don't have this overwhelming desire to take my camera out and spend the day on the streets.  I don't have a desire to even leave the hotel room.  And no matter how many times I wonder or ask God why this had to happen this way, I'm not getting an answer.  Seriously?  Well I find out in three hours if I fly tomorrow or not.  I honestly have a bad feeling about it.  I feel like I'm back in Kuwait almost two years ago dealing with the same crap.  I didn't like that either.  
Okay, I want to write more but my honey just called to let me know he made it home safely so I'm going to take a nap.  That'll help the hours pass...    

06/26/2012 1607

I don’t quite know exactly what just happened, but I went downstairs to pay my bill and wound up getting all teary-eyed with the ladies that work here.  I mean, really, with.  As in, they got a little teary-eyed too!  It started out innocently enough… all business, discussing my bill, I paid for the spa, restaurant, and bar things with cash and the rest of the stay with my credit card.  We discussed bills and vacations.  The two absolutely wonderful ladies I was talking to told me about their upcoming vacations.  One of them doesn’t speak English, she was the one I mentioned before that always gives me the deer in the headlights look.  But the other translated quite well for both of us.  So one is going on vacation in September, the other one just a little bit sooner.  Soon it turned into my desire to come back to this hotel.  I seriously can’t say enough good things about the kindness of the staff, the accommodations, the smiles, the way they made me actually feel like a treasured guest!  They were completely kind and respectful and professional the whole way through.  I wanted to make sure they billed me for all of the drinks I had, to include the waters with dinner.  Well there were a couple of glasses of wine that didn’t make it onto their bill but they decided those were on the house.  So were the glasses of champagne while using the pool & Jacuzzi.  Ya mean people can really treat other people this way?  And it’s acceptable???  Well.  I started to tell them how it was going to be rough to have to say goodbye to them all.  I swear, this has been by far the kindest hotel staff I have ever encountered.  So the lady who I was paying said that it always makes them happy to see guests leave with a smile.  I told her I’d be all smiles and she then told me that they all love my kindness and my smiles.  She said that they all talk about the guests (heh, truth moment, huh?) and that I’ve rated very high with all of them.  Awwwww!!!!  She said that my personality has made them all so very happy.  Oh. My. Gosh.  I have never heard such sweet comments coming out of someone who was so recently a total stranger.  From there, we have determined that when I come back, if it is winter we will go skiing together.  If it’s not winter, they are still going to be very happy to see me.  They’re going to be happy?  Huh.  And, S, my dear honey, they also wished you would have stayed longer.  Just for future reference… 

I also had another couple of interesting moments today.  One that just made me wonder where we Americans have gone so wrong.  I went to buy a few souvenirs at a local place  on the main strip.  I got some magnets, some shot glasses, and a little pencil holder of the Bridge of Love.  Look it up.  It’s cool.  Anyway, the insanely adorable gal that worked there, once again swore she spoke very little English but was a lot better than she gave herself credit for.  We chatted for a bit, she helped me find what I was looking for, I paid, then she ran over to find something that she wanted to give me, just from her.  Once again I will quote myself: “Awwwww!!!!!”   People here are so utterly kind! 

Oh, also, S, thank you so much for teaching me the importance of three cheek kisses.  I just scored major points with that darling lady downstairs because of that.  She said I was the first American she’s seen who knows that.  Seriously, you have prepared me well for this.  Thank you!  May I buy you lunch tomorrow to pay my gratitude?  ;-) 

So the other funny moment today.  I went to go buy a palačinke (and Mom, that’s what I was referring to yesterday) for my last lunch here and though they spoke some English, I was still trying to find the word I was looking for in Serbian.  So a lady also ordering lunch asked how she could help, in perfect English.  And she spoke in perfect Serbian.  No detectable accent on either side.  She’s from Chicago.  Born in Serbia but left at an early age.  Husband is also Serbian.  They are with  a pretty sizeable group of kids who are here doing some performances.  They belong to a cultural group with San Simeon church in south Chicago and they’re here as a group doing said performances.  I guess they had one last night at the hotel just across the way from me, and they have another tonight, but I had to decline the invite because I’m going to bed so early.  4am will come quickly & I need my beauty sleep.  So we had a great chat.  I told her I was wondering why so many English speakers were wandering around.  She said there was a pretty good chance they were all with their group.  She told me a little about the group and about herself and it was so refreshing to talk to someone so unexpectedly.  She was really a doll.  I stopped on my way out to thank her for the help and the chat and told her I will definitely be looking her up if I find myself in Chicago.  And as I walked away I had to laugh because my being here is truly proof of the simple fact that one never ever knows what will happen and when or why.  Who would have thought that my going to Afghanistan would land me in Serbia for vacations?  Life is really funny that way.  We might think we got it all figured out but we’re usually wrong.  Maybe we have more to learn.  Maybe we have things to unlearn.  Either way, it’s been so refreshing for me these past two weeks to see how my perspective gets to change all the time.  I have surely learned a different outlook in child rearing.  I’ve learned a different outlook on my smile.  I’ve learned that my American way isn’t always best.  I’ve learned that what is normal and comfortable to me might just be a major kick in the pants for someone who was not raised like me.  I’ve learned a lot, and for that, I am so grateful.  I love these opportunities I’ve been given, even when they are not completely comfortable.  Sometimes being in a country where you don’t speak the language well is intimidating.  But the overwhelming Serbian kindness and generosity has shown me that no matter what, I’ll be in good hands. 

06/25/2012 1052

Sorry this took a while.  For some reason, Blogger wouldn't let me upload directly so I had to put it on youtube first and that took a while, even with a great internet connection.  But here is a little piece of the awesome storm from the other day.  You can tell around 30 seconds in exactly how close it was.  And no matter what I tried, I couldn't even begin to capture the intensity of the actual sound of the thunder.  It was amazing!  

06/24/2012 1250

I am starving right now and have completely wasted, no, read my entire morning away, changed my mind about working out (it’s a weekend—the gym will be completely crowded), and am about to head out into town to find a ginormous platter of grilled meat.  But I just wanted to take a quick second to check in and update on yesterday.  I went and got a Serbian hair cut yesterday.  Not that it looks any different from any other hair cut, but it was done in Serbia and that is way cool to me.  For approximately $10, I had my hair washed, cut, and blow dried in a way that was infinitely better than my last cut in the states.  Seriously, that woman messed up my hair, but it’s all fixed now and I feel just as cute as can be.  I also went and bought some nail polish yesterday and a new sun block.  Krema za sunce.  My other one was too good.  That purchase was a fun experience all on its own.  I left the salon then decided to check out the nail polish then changed my mind (again) then rechanged it for the last time.  I went in just to look around and accidentally answered the woman in English when she asked if she could help.  I’ve really been trying not to, as much as possible.  She answered back in English.  She was under the impression that she doesn’t speak it well but she understands everything I’m saying.  I was under the impression that she speaks it better than most of the people I’ve encountered thus far.  I asked her how to say a few things in Serbian that I’d be wondering about.  We had a discussion about numbers.  She helped me find the nail polish I was hoping to find.  She pointed out that we say “Nivea” funny.  I think that would be the American accent…  After all was said & done, and she fought with the calculator along with the help of another woman who worked there, I was on my way and left pondering a few things.  Namely, what is it like to be a tourist in America?  I mean a total tourist.  Like one who speaks so little English that they can hardly manage most interactions or transactions?  Would they be ridiculed for not speaking the language, or would there be so many people willing to help them out with whatever they needed as there have been with me?  Would the guests in the hotel avoid eye-contact, or would they be all smiles, even while knowing that we didn’t speak the same language?  I seriously want to live like a true foreigner in Cali the next time I go back.  I want to walk in to a restaurant and tell them that I don’t speak much English and see what they do.  As it stands now, most of the time when I go somewhere, they speak some English, and if they don’t, they will quickly try to find someone that does.  A few times I’ve encountered people who only speak Serbian and will continue to talk to me in Serbian until I’m satisfied with the answer.  That cracks me up.  Partly because I do end up understanding them, and partly because they look at me like they don’t give a rip what language I speak—they’re just going to be friendly and talk to me.  I love that!  Nobody makes me feel awkward, regardless of what they speak.  This whole time here has been amusing with the staff in the hotel.  I’ll greet them with a “dobro jutro” and they respond back with “good morning.”  If I forget to speak Serbian and greet them in an English fashion, they’ll often respond back with Serbian.  It’s almost rare that we all have the same little formalities in the same language!  But it’s very cute.  They are trying really hard.  Even the one lady who doesn’t speak any English, and looks like a deer in headlights when she sees me approaching, has been trying to speak English with me as much as I’m trying to speak Serbian with her.  It’s fun.  Really fun, actually.  As I was leaving after my nail polish purchase yesterday (and, for the record, the colors are way cool!), the lady told me that her English will be better the next time I come back.  I assured her that my Serbian will be better as well.  I know I’ve learned a lot here.  Constant exposure can do that.  I’m starting to grasp some of the past tenses for verbs.  Those have been a little tricky for me, mainly because I haven’t covered them in my lessons yet.  The reactions of people when they hear I’m learning the language have been awesome.  Some look at me like I’m crazy, some sympathize and tell me how tough it is (these people speak English… isn’t that as bad and unregulated as it gets?), and some just look completely thrilled that I am making the effort.  I wanted to have an entire day where I speak no English at all, but I don’t know if I have that in me yet.  Though I am able to survive, for sure, I still don’t have enough of a grasp on it to have a normal conversation.  But the good news is I have nowhere to go from here but better.  Bolje.  I know enough random Serbian words to have totally Serblish conversation.  That much I know for sure. 

Okay, that’s enough cultural ponderings for right now.  I am really hungry and some grilled meso is calling me!