How is it that we can love, adore, and embrace another
person’s imperfections so easily yet despise our own? Or not even let someone else adore our
imperfections the way they want to? I
was watching my favorite news today and there was a young lady on with such a
unique face. I couldn’t get over how
adorably cute she was, not in spite
of a slightly funny face, but because
of it. Another one of the ladies who
clearly couldn't dance well was trying and it melted me so much and gave me
such a greater appreciation and admiration for her. Yet I really have a hard time embracing the
fact that I can’t dance to save my soul… and I sure as hell don’t want someone
else to love that fact about me! What is
it that society has put in our heads that causes this?
Imagine my surprise when I found out that one of my absolute
favorite parts of my boyfriend’s face is something that he views as a
flaw. I was completely shocked. Shocked as in my mind kept saying
“NO!!!” Shocked. His mouth is just so beautiful to me, how can
that be something that he does not see?
People are just cute to me in all of their
uniquenesses. Uniquities? Differences.
So why, then, do we strive to all be so similar? I don’t get it.
People who don’t smile because they don’t like their
teeth.
People who won’t sing aloud because they can’t sing well.
People who won’t dance because they can’t dance well.
People who are afraid to speak up because they worry their
ideas will be shot down.
How can we appreciate these things so much in each other yet
despise them in ourselves?
What even defines a flaw?
When I was younger, I was so disappointed that I didn't have the "Workman
dimple". It’s such a trademark of our
family. My cousin who is my age has the
most breath-taking dimple. She is just a
beauty all the way around. But I hated the
fact that I didn't have that dimple. To
make me feel better, my mom pointed out that dimples were once viewed as a
flaw. It didn't make me feel
better. I just couldn't wrap my mind around
that. It was a “flaw” that I
wanted. I have it now. When I saw a picture of myself and realized
that I looked like the rest of them, I almost cried I was so happy. Go figure.
I’m a Ginger. No
doubt about that. Pale, red hair, and
freckles. I have the profound triad of
Gingerdom. I've come to grips with it,
but it took time. But the thing about it
is that I know each of these has been considered a flaw at different points in
time and in different locations. I was
ridiculed regularly for all three aspects of my Gingerness. I still am, though now it’s usually with more
affection than an intent to hurt (conveniently coupled with thicker skin over
the years, right?). But there often was
an intent to hurt! What is that all
about? Are we just so hung up on making
ourselves feel better about people that we need to put others down?
Eh. I don’t
know. Funny faces truly rock my
world. A scar. A unibrow.
A random patch of grey hair on a noggin.
A scratchy voice.
Tone-deafness. The inability to
dance. Kitties with 6 fingers on their
paws. These things make people (okay,
and kitties) beautiful in my eyes. They
make us so… individual!
Years ago, I was standing in line in a grocery store and I
overheard a lady talking to a friend about how every single face of the celebs on
the magazines looked the same. The more
I think about it analytically, the more I see that she was very right. That’s why I cannot get enough of the actors
that stand out. It’s rare, but it’s
beautiful.
When I was in college, I spent a lot of time with Asian
friends. Of course that joke that they
all looked the same came up more than a few times (oh they so don’t…) but I
just about died laughing when they (often) said we all looked the same. Honestly, it just was so funny to me, but in
hindsight, they might have been completely right! Is it
that important to have the right hair color so as to fit in? Is it that necessary to get braces so we have
perfect teeth? Are our parents doing
this to prevent us from lifelong teasing or is it just to make themselves feel
better? Do children have to go through
speech therapy to learn how to say the letter ‘R’ “properly” just so the child
can be like everybody else? Or is that
to make mom & dad feel better? How
can we teach children to embrace what they are and what they have? Why do we have to compare? How can we learn not to be so
self-conscious? How do we keep children
from being so self-conscious? I think
that is the large part of the beauty that is childhood. A pure unawareness of what they are expected
to be and the image to which they should conform. They can grin proudly with crooked
teeth. They can run with such a lack of
grace. They can say a letter or a word
funny. They can dance as they see fit
without caring how they look. They can
sing with all of the gusto their little bodies can manage and not care if they
are “pitchy”. They can air-guitar. They can create a beautiful world that works
for them and not give a flyin’ fig if anybody cares. They so have it right. I never thought to feel embarrassed about my
lips until my friend told me they were too big.
Wow did that open my eyes! I was
in 3rd grade, I think. What,
8 years old, and already freaking out because my lips are too big? Yeah, that’s healthy. In 8th grade, one of the adult
escorts for a school outing said that he truly disliked red hair on
females. I was so crushed, but still
kinda thankful that he opened my eyes to the fact that people have different
tastes and preferences… Is that what it
all boils down to? Just finding the
right people who appreciate what you have?
That can’t be it. Besides, how do
you communicate that to a little 8 y/o girl who is crushed because someone made
her realize that she doesn't sing well?
What right does anybody have to kill the hopes and dreams of a
child? Oh I must always remember to help
the little ones truly be who they are.
We all should have the right to be who we are.
And for those of you who are reading that have a funny walk
or maybe can’t sing or don’t like you smile or hate a scar you have or wake up every morning thinking about what you think is an imperfection… I love you
for it.
